.... it's just not fair :o(

How could it have happened?
In the blink of an eye time has gone by , things have changed, & soon life will never be the same.
This has been a very tough week for me.
You see Thursday was the first day of school, the first day of my baby's Sr. year.
All week all I can think is "how can I remember every moment of his birth, bringing him home, his first smile so vividly... like it was yesterday and he's going to be a Sr. this year".
I know I'm supposed to be all excited, & I am for him but..... my heart is breaking.
It started Wednesday afternoon.
We were in wal-mart of all places & I ran into another one of the Sr. moms. She was sooo excited "I can't believe we finally made it here!" she says (I guess maybe you feel different if you have twins, I guess you feel different if you still have Another baby at home).
I can only imagine the look on my face, all I could get out was "I'm not ready".
She goes on all excited about this year. All I can say is "I'm not ready". Repeatedly this is what I say. And then it starts.....
a mommy melt down in the middle of friggin wal-mart, great just what I need to labeled a complete kook Devan's Sr. year.
She realizes that I'm losing it & quickly says "well you have a year to get used to it" & runs off.
At this point I want to grab her & shake her and scream at the top of my lungs "I've been trying to get used to it for the last year & this is as good as it has gotten!!!".
( yes I'm the mom who was so depressed when my baby rolled over because "he's growing up too fast" that my girlfried sent me flowers to cheer me up) Anyway so this is mommy meltdown #1.
Thursday everyone is in first day of school mode & I grab my camera and this is what I get....



(isn't he a cutie!)



... and this is what my heart sees and remembers....





(his first day of preschool, don't you just want to eat him up)



As I hugged him bye my mind is reeling, remembering that first day of preschool. How nervous I was about having him leave me. My heart breaking & I ran.... I ran out to Jim's Aunt Linda's. I spent the morning crying, drinking coffee, and being comforted by another mom who had already been there and lived to tell about it. In an instant I had the urge to run to Linda's again, but I didn't it wouldn't have been the same.
Later that afternoon I had to go see our Nurse Practioner (I have an ear infection?!?) and as I'm leaving her office she is also excited (her daughter is a Sr. too) and again I start having a mommy meltdown (#2). She is kinder about it though and admits that she has some pangs herself plus the luxury of having another kid at home.
As I leave her office I call my sister-in-law upset with myself that I have had another meltdown. Can you guess what happens??? yep (#3) another meltdown about having meltdowns, lol.
Then I go into the pharmacy for my rx, can you guess what happens??? Yep, you are very smart! (#4).
So let's sum this up- 2 outings, 4 meltdowns and it's ONLY the first day of school!!! It's not even the first full day of school, it was just registration! Yep have I got my stuff together or what??? You know he is one lucky kid, lol.
As this year progresses I'm really not sure how I'm going to handle things, if I seem a little emotional or short I appolagize - please be patient with me .... my life is changing , my heart is breaking, I'm losing my baby and things will never be the same again...